I Don’t Have My Sh*t Together - I Just Have Tools

A parent said to me recently, “You’ve got a neurodiverse child, how do you seem so put together?”

I actually laughed. Like, out loud. The kind of laugh that says, “Oh, if only you knew.”

Because the truth is, I don’t have it all together. Not even close.If you’d seen me that morning trying to get my kid out the door- one sock missing, breakfast half-eaten, the dog barking, and me negotiating over whether shoes are, in fact, a human rights violation- you’d know. My life is organised chaos on a good day. Controlled falling, at best.

The “Put Together” Illusion

So why do I seem calm?Honestly, it’s not because I’m a zen master. It’s because I’ve had years of OT training that basically forced me to understand nervous systems, mine included.

I’ve learned that when a child (or an adult… hi, it’s me) is melting down, it’s not because we’re bad or broken. It’s because our nervous systems have hit capacity and gone into survival mode.That knowledge doesn’t magically stop me from losing it, but it helps me catch myself faster, before I spiral into “worst parent ever” territory.

My training has given me awareness, not perfection.I still yell sometimes. I still ugly cry in the car. I still forget the note that needed to be signed yesterday.The difference is, now I understand why those moments happen and I can come back to calm without drowning in guilt.

OT Training… or Just Lifelong Therapy Disguised as a Career

People assume occupational therapists are naturally calm, patient, and endlessly regulated.Let me be clear: I became an OT because I needed to understand people, including my own little people, not because I had it all figured out.

Years of working with families like mine have taught me that no one is actually “together.”We’re all just trying to survive the mornings, decode behaviour, and remember to drink something other than coffee before 3 p.m.

The beauty of this work is that it gives me language for what’s happening underneath the chaos- sensory overload, demand avoidance, dysregulation, burnout. Once you know what’s really going on, you can meet it with compassion instead of control.

So no, I’m not calm because I’m special.I’m calm(ish) because I’ve learned to pause before reacting… sometimes. (Let’s not pretend it works every time. I’m still human, not a co-regulation robot.)

The Moment That Stuck With Me

When that parent said, “How do you seem so put together?” what I really heard was, “I feel like I’m failing.”And my heart broke a little, because I’ve been there.

I wanted to tell her (and I guess I am now) that none of us are meant to have it all together.We’re all winging it with love, exhaustion, and a bunch of trial-and-error strategies that may or may not involve hiding in the bathroom for two minutes of peace.

I just happen to have a toolkit that helps me make sense of the madness. That’s what I want to share. Not perfection. Not a Pinterest-ready version of parenting. Just the tools that help me survive the messy bits with a little more grace (and sometimes a lot of coffee).

What I’ve Learned

1. Regulation is contagious but so is dysregulation. When I can pause and breathe, my child feels it. When I don’t, they feel that too. So I try again tomorrow.

2. Repair matters more than perfection. I don’t need to stay calm 100 % of the time. I just need to come back and reconnect.

3. Awareness beats control every time.The goal isn’t to control anyone’s behaviour, it’s to understand what it’s communicating.

4. Humour helps. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at the chaos, pour another cup, and remind yourself that “together” is wildly overrated.

Final Thoughts

So no, I don’t have my sh*t together. I have washing piles, school emails I haven’t read, and a car that looks like a snack graveyard (thank goodness I just got a new car!).

But I do have awareness.I have compassion for myself and my child. And I have tools, the kind I wish every parent could access.

That’s what I want Evolve OT to be: not a pedestal, but a partnership.A place where we say, “You’re not broken, you’re just human and that’s enough.”

Keep caffeinating and regulating,

even if your “toolbox” is just coffee and chaos ☕💛Jisel