Exploring PDA: Finding Joy in Connection, Co-Regulation, and Creative Support

Hi, I’m Jisel, an Occupational Therapist, a mum, and a passionate advocate for neurodivergent families. If you know me, you know I light up when talking about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance, or as I like to call it, Persuasive Drive for Autonomy). It’s an area that’s close to my heart, both personally and professionally and honestly, I have so much fun sharing what I’ve learned with other families.

PDA is a unique and often misunderstood autism profile, where everyday demands can trigger significant anxiety and avoidance behaviours. But here’s the thing, when we approach PDA with understanding, connection, and a lot of creativity, magic happens.

Over the years, I’ve developed and refined tools that I use with families to help them reconnect with their children and build safe, trusting relationships. Let me take you through some of the things I love sharing most.

Personalised Co-Regulation Scripts

These have been a game-changer. I’ve created tailored co-regulation scripts that parents and caregivers can use in tricky moments, scripts that create safety, validate the child’s experience, and invite connection instead of control. They’re not about fixing behaviour, but about soothing the nervous system and saying, “I see you. I’m here. Let’s get through this together.”

Creating a Sense of Equality

Children with a PDA profile are incredibly sensitive to power dynamics. That’s why we work on levelling the playing field, inviting collaboration, involving them in decisions, and honouring their autonomy. This isn’t permissive parenting, it’s connected, respectful parenting that gives children a sense of control over their world.

Building Autonomy & Trust

Trust is everything. PDA kids are constantly scanning for emotional safety, and when we show up consistently with compassion, flexibility, and honesty, we build the kind of trust that allows them to take brave steps, on their terms. We honour their pacing. We support their choices. And we celebrate every win, no matter how small.

Helping Children Feel Safe in Their Body and Mind

For many PDAers, the body and mind don’t always feel like safe places. Whether it’s interoceptive challenges, sensory overload, or trauma responses, we gently support kids in understanding their experiences and regulating in ways that actually feel good to them. We talk about what safety feels like—not just what it looks like from the outside.

Communicating with Connection

Scripts, visuals, cues; all important. But nothing beats true connection. We learn to soften our tone, lower our body, and speak in ways that invite rather than instruct. Communication isn’t about getting the child to comply, it’s about building a bridge between two nervous systems.

Using Strewing to Invite, Not Demand

One of my favourite PDA-friendly tools! Strewing is the art of casually placing interesting items or activities in the child’s environment, with zero expectations attached. It invites curiosity and engagement without pressure. It might be a new book, a sensory toy, or an open-ended craft; it’s subtle, effective, and empowering.

Using Humour to Create Safety

Playful language, silly voices, inside jokes, they all lower defences and release tension. PDAers are incredibly perceptive and often hilariously witty, and when we meet them with humour, it creates a sense of camaraderie. Laughter builds connection, and connection builds regulation.

Using Novelty, Dopamine & Sensory-Seeking to Regulate

We lean into what lights them up. That might be bouncing on the trampoline while solving maths problems, or using a whiteboard and coloured pens to brainstorm ideas. Novelty, dopamine bursts, sensory input, these are not distractions from learning or regulation. They are regulation.

Lowering Demands to Protect Regulation

This might feel counterintuitive at first, especially for families used to more traditional parenting approaches. But in the PDA world, less really is more. We lower demands not because children “can’t cope,” but because we want to protect their regulation. We prioritise connection over compliance and co-regulation over control.

I truly love walking alongside families navigating PDA. There’s something incredibly powerful about seeing a child go from shutdowns and meltdowns to connection, curiosity, and calm, when they’re met with understanding, not pressure. And watching parents grow in confidence as they shift their approach. It’s why I do what I do.

If you’re curious about these approaches or want help tailoring them to your family, I’m always happy to chat. PDA support isn’t about fixing kids, it’s about meeting them where they are and walking with them from there.

Here’s to low demands, soft landings, and deep connection,

Jisel 🫶